sunday, oct 1, 2000
it's about time *somebody* got a clue
zero tolerance, not zero common sense
ever since the columbine debacle i've been reading things like this:
    "An Austell, Georgia, sixth-grader has been suspended for 10 days because the 10-inch chain on her Tweety bird wallet violates the school district's zero-tolerance weapons policy."
at least this school board made the right decision, even if only out of fear of appearing stupid...
posted by quonsar at 7:51 pm
i'm too sexy for my church
entertaining broadcast fuckups
"For two hours, millions of Roman Catholics watched video of cardinals singing hymns and praying, set to the orgasmic moaning and caterwauling of porn stars..."
posted by quonsar at 5:20 pm
bank robber took bus, didn't have money for cab
crimes of desperation
bank robbery is an interesting crime. there is no percentage in robbing a bank. it's a federal offense. the money is booby trapped. in a bank, everything, all the time, is under video surveillance. most bank robbers are caught within hours. still, it seems hundreds of desperate (or debilitatingly stupid) people, week after week, convince themselves they can get away with it.
pondered by quonsar at 2:31 pm
illicit drugs to blame for evacuation?
weird pharmaceuticals
"A police spokesman said the open valve on the tank 'makes us suspicious somebody might have tried to steal some and left it open.'" He said anhydrous ammonia can also be used to make the drug methamphetamine.
posted by quonsar at 1:53 pm
do you know how sick of those ads i'm getting? do you...?
unlikely spokespersons
"Shares of Priceline.com Inc., the name-your-own-price company fronted by actor William Shatner, blew up Wednesday as if hit by a Klingon torpedo."
posted by quonsar at 10:41 am
voice recognition comes to car audio
this reminds me...
...of a joke. a woman loves her new car, but cannot figure out how to operate the radio. she contacts the dealership, and is informed that the radio is the very latest technology and all she has to do is ask for the genre of music she wants to hear. driving up the street, she says "oldies", and voila! the radio switches to chuck berry. "classical" she says, and the radio begins to play beethoven. suddenly, an old woman in a cadillac crosses three lanes and cuts her off, nearly causing an accident. "ignorant bitch!" she shouts. whereupon the radio immediately tunes itself to the dr. laura show.
posted by quonsar at 4:20 am
first it was hamsters, then mahir...
holy arthur murray!
...now george dubya and even jesus are gittin' jiggy widdit.
posted by dancingquonsar.com at 3:21 am
say *what* now???
is it a noun or is it a verb?
so, let me get this straight... some friends and the family painter were attacked and killed by an airplane?
head scratched by quonsar at 1:54 am
friday, sep 29, 2000
letting amazon off the hook too easily
hand in the cookie jar
"dynamic pricing", "pricing tests", baloney. i want to know why the press isn't asking the real questions:
1) what were they testing?
2) what was the methodology? (how were discount recipients chosen, how was the size of the discount determined?)
3) what were they hoping to learn, and what did they actually learn?

here is an interesting experiment: if you buy, say, airline tickets online, try this. open a new account, enter your requirments, note the fares offered. now, enter the same requirements under an existing account from which you have purchased tickets in the past. note the fares offered.
posted by quonsar at 5:51 pm
thursday, sep 28, 2000
bigamous duct tape slut
tales of betrayal
this is a poem about an unfaithful duct tape owner. the poem pretty much sucks, but what a great link title, eh?
posted by quonsar at 11:20 pm
wednesday, sep 27, 2000
so, how did *he* know what they looked like?
photographic memory
"Brown said he found Ms Martin's Polaroid picture and recognised the genitals as those of a former forensic investigator who had suffered a heart attack."

"your honor, i'd recognize those genitals anywhere!"
posted by quonsar at 11:13 pm
surgery required to remove bearing from penis
lengths he was willing to go
"The 43-year-old claims that he only put the bearing on his penis because he wanted to keep it erect until he got to the pub where he was having a competition with his friends about who had the largest appendage."

[voice of don pardo:] "hardware for this story provided by e-longation.com!"
contributed by shelldrake at 10:15 pm
internet killed the video star (via metafilter)
well done shock
turn on the lyric display, crank up the sound, and watch closely...
posted by quonsar at 7:58 pm
tuesday, sep 26, 2000
sheriff joe arpaio's live jail webcam
cheesy voyerism
"Instances of violence or sexually inappropriate behavior by detainees during the booking process may occur. Viewer discretion is advised."

you just know thousands of people will be hanging out hoping to see some of that sexually inappropriate behavior... say, i've been wondering: if capital punishment makes the state a murderer, then regular imprisonment makes the state what? a gay dungeon-master?
posted by quonsar at 11:27 pm
monday, sep 25, 2000
xns - extensible name service
internet hypola
i first saw this on keith dawsons tasty bits and then on zdnet. some tall claims being made here. we shall see...
posted by quonsar at 6:24 pm
psychic abilities amongst the homeless
shouldn't they have known?
what a surprise!
forseen by quonsar at 6:01 pm